Looking back and thinking forward
With my exams finished finally and all the good stuff going on in my life right now, I find myself thinking of her often. I admired her greatly -- she taught me a lot about crafting and being a pretty cool and creative person. She was a painter and a pretty darn good one at that. I have her art on my walls here, and I'd take more of it once I have a good place to hang it. My dad loved his mom, but their relationship was a lot more conflicted -- he wasn't wrong, and she wasn't perfect, and I had the luxury of knowing here when she was older and wiser and a grandmother rather than a young, poor woman with a temper who had three boys in four years of each other and a husband who was always out on the road, selling. And I'll leave it at that. That said... she was awesome to me, and I never saw her lose her temper once at her grandkids, and there were a lot of us, and we were not always in the best behavior.
But anyway. So yeah. I think she'd be proud of me. I think I look more like her than I realized. She contributed so much to making me feel special and loved and worthwhile, even though I was different and a bit odd. I still miss her, and even as I finish up my Ph D and move on into work, I find that one of the things I judge the world by is "Would Grandmother think this is cool?" And if the answer is yes, then on we go. She hasn't steered me wrong yet.