Anxiety


Not that I don't have enough things to occupy my mind right now, but one of the things I really loathe about my brain is the lovely "trip into work" anxiety that happens on a regular basis. I'm really not sure what the exact trigger is, but as I start thinking about the day or the week or the whatever, even if it's stuff I'm looking forward to or that I've done before, I find that become a deep-breathing, heart fluttering mess. I have to manage my feelings and my blood pressure to keep from obsessing over... nothing in particular. It's really dumb. Anything I pick, as soon as I figure out how to handle it, the anxiety then moves to settle on something else. It's free-floating; it's just me, there's not really anything in particular to be anxious about. 
I'm not the only one who has this, and I am on medication for it (it used to be much worse and constant, although I didn't realize it at the time). It's just such a pain. It's like I'm constantly worried that I'm actually going to discover that up is really down, or right is really left, and I won't be able to compensate for it. I will come home and find that I live in a topsy-turvy world, like above, and everyone will realize that I wasn't expecting it and things will not be okay anymore. 

And yet. 

Once I get through my class, and get food, and get settled for the day, it goes away. It's not a constant. And I'm grateful for that, because I know other people have it so much worse than I do. But that doesn't mean it's not an incredibly annoying way to start my day. 

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