Star Crossed Musing

So I think, from the clothing, that I was about 16 in this picture. That would have made it roughly 1987 or 1988. That's me on the left, and then my brother Mark on the right, and my grandmother in between us. Grandmother (because that's what we always called her) was my dad's mom. I'm closer to her age now than it really strikes me to think about, but if you look at a current pic of me and then look at her... well, the resemblance is pretty clear, allowing for purple hair and everything. With my exams finished finally and all the good stuff going on in my life right now, I find myself thinking of her often. I admired her greatly -- she taught me a lot about crafting and being a pretty cool and creative person. She was a painter and a pretty darn good one at that. I have her art on my walls here, and I'd take more of it once I have a good place to hang it. My dad loved his mom, but their relationship was a lot more conflicted -- he wasn't wrong, and she wasn...

See what I did there? Of course you do. :) So, things I'm thankful for this year. Firstly, I'm thankful that I passed my exams. Like all the thankfulness that it's done. It pretty much ate my life for a year, and while I don't regret it in the least.... I have a number of other things I'd like to move on to, not the least of which is my dissertation. Secondly, I'm thankful for my husband. Matt made it possible for me to do... well, everything over the past year. He really honestly is the best thing to happen to me, and he makes all the rest of it worth doing. Thirdly, I'm thankful for my kids. Alisdair and William are really the best sons I could ask for. They live much further from me than I like, but I respect their choices -- our time together again will come. They're such awesome people, and it's a privilege to be their mother. Fourthly, I have these dogs, you see. As I sit crosslegged on the couch right now, Si has wrapped himself arou...

I'm looking to my friends this morning because I need help knowing how I can deal with this. This situation is not about my feelings or my response, and I know that, so I won't waste space with them. I just... from my friends who engage more deeply in activism than I do, I want to know... where does that emotion go? And how can I turn around and help when I don't have much money to help with? How do I find a place to direct my need to engage without burdening someone who has enough burdens of their own over the system we have? I am overwhelmed this morning, and I need a conduit, a way to refocus and help make some sort of change. If anyone has suggestions, I'm open to them.

At Matt's request, I'm making a Christmas list of things I think are nifty. First off, I have an Amazon wishlist . Second, I love this site and nearly everything on it. Third, I could use more winter dresses and good leggings. This site has a number of them. http://www.redressnyc.com/pure-magic-microfiber-legging-plaid-perfection/ http://www.redressnyc.com/pure-magic-microfiber-legging-daze-of-wine-roses/ http://www.redressnyc.com/regular-length-teggings/ http://www.redressnyc.com/penny-dress/ http://www.redressnyc.com/vintage-cool-as-a-cucumber-dress/ http://www.redressnyc.com/derby-day-dress/ Fourth, I don't really have enough geeky nerdy literary shirts. There's lots of sources for those, though.  Fifth, here's a link to my ThinkGeek wishlist .  If you need more suggestions... um, I have no idea. That should do it, though. :)

The Edgar Degas painting to the right is pretty indicative of how I'm feeling at the moment. So, exams are done. I passed both my oral and written exams without having to redo any of them. I've been asked to ponder my dissertation. I have to catch up on the grading and Latin I've let slide this past week. I am so very DONE, but I'm trying to at least keep a semblance of forward momentum through the rest of the semester. My committee was helpful in pointing out some of the weaknesses in my approach for moving forward, which is really helpful, and I need to take back a billion books to the library, which I'm actually really looking forward to -- but not today, as the weather is a complete pain. As I look out the window, the snow is coming down in what I think of as sifted powdered sugar -- light enough you can't really see it snowing unless you've got a dark backdrop, but enough to slowly blanket every freaking thing out there. I am due to phone my sons ...

I voted yesterday. I did research, I looked over the issues, I even read background on the judges, for heaven's sake -- and EVERYTHING except the school bond that I voted for lost. There were a few bright spots nationally in races I couldn't affect, but by and large, people voted for the exact opposite that common sense and a vague overview of the issues would have told them to... and I'm so very depressed as a result. What the hell, people. *hugs her coffee cup tighter*